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Funny valentine’s day quotes and cards

I wish a happy Valentine’s Day to someone who is already planning the best night of my whole life.

Being a single, for the February 14th I am making reservations for several glasses of wine in my mouth.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all men today whose girlfriends are on their period this Valentines day.

On Valentine’s Day women strive to find the right guy, to who she could tell everyday that he is wrong.

You may find it hard to find a girlfriend on Valentines’ Day if your X-ray is better than you photo.

>>> Valentine Wishes

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead. – By Ann Landers

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You would be perfect (if only you lost 20 pounds)

I need to fell in love, because I haven’t had any problems for a long time. Happy February 14th!

This Valentine’s Day, I am wishing you all the love a somewhat logical string of emojis can convey.

Happy Valentine’s Day to someone who took a bigger risk marrying me than the guy who’s about to marry Amanda Knox.

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Every single man, knows that the best part of being his own date for Valentine’s Day is knowing that he is guaranteed to score.

Many ladies are expecting to receive a wedding ring for the Valentine’s Day, but actually the only ring they’re wearing for Valentine’s Day is contraceptive.

I’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day with my pants off for the sad kind of reason.

My one true love is the workweek ending.

>>> Birthday Wishes For Lover

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Love is a game that two can play and both win. – By Eva Gabor

Love is a grave mental disease. – By Plato

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – By Cathy Carlyle

Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day. – By Jay Leno

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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. – By Dorothy Parker

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – By Charles M. Schulz

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. – By Tracy Smith

I’m tired of love; I’m still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time. – By Hilaire Belloc

>>> Christmas Love Messages

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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – By Groucho Marx

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. – By Helen Rowland

Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. – By Mickey Rooney

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults. – By Thomas Szasz

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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? – By Author Unknown

If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.- By Maya Angelou

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – By Groucho Marx

It is impossible to love and be wise. – By Francis Bacon

>>> Romantic Birthday for Lovers

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Love – By a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. – By Author Unknown

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. – By Lynda Barry

Love is being stupid together. – By Paul Valery

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. – By Judith Viorst

>>> Birthday cake with name

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Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. – By Robert Heinlein

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. – By Hoosier Farmer

Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart. – By Author Unknown

Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely. – By Basta

>>> Love birthday messages

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A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. – By Ingrid Bergman

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion. – By Mirabeau

Love is not blind; it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. – By Julius Gordon

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. – By Rose Franken

>>> Birthday Wishes For Lover

Funny valentines day cards

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. – By Fred Allen

It’s funny how we set qualifications to the right person to love, when we know at the back of our heads the person whom we truly love will always be an exception. – By Ally McBeal

Like I’ve always said, love wouldn’t be blind if the braille weren’t so damned much fun. – By Armistead Maupin, Maybe the Moon

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. – By Rita Rudner

No matter how love sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along. – By Joyce Brothers

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – By Henry Kissinger

Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, – By but not for love. – By William Shakespeare

Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing. – By Jonathon Swift

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